Effective Communication & How To Talk To Your Boyfriend Or Husband For Relationship Communication.Isn’t it amazing?
You’re a grown adult woman and yet you may become tongue tied over how to communicate with your man!
I mean, you know how to communicate, it’s just that when you have something important to share, you may find that you don’t know how to communicate, how to say a simple sentence.
Every time you need to confront an issue with your partner it seems that your good communication skills disappear.
You have a hard time with such a seemingly simple task of how to talk to your boyfriend (or husband).
And you must remember that communication in relationships is very important.
I totally understand and have been there.
If as a woman you can’t tell your man that you don’t like him looking at other women, or flirting with an ex in his Facebook timeline, or discuss how you feel when he only comes around barely once a week or doesn’t pay for the child’s things, these are the “tough topics” that can make you forget how to communicate.
Communication in marriage is essential to sustain smooth relationships and avoid a build-up of strains towards each other.
How to communicate with a man is always a struggle for women and it should not be.
It is easy to talk…discuss the weather, gossip from work, what you saw the neighbor’s do, but to communicate…well that’s where the tongue can feel tied up as though it doesn’t work.
Actually if we drill down deeper, the tongue works (you may remember the last time you yelled at the man out of frustration from holding back for so long), it’s just that you probably feel scared.
Isn’t that interesting?
Let’s look at why.
You are probably scared of losing him.
Losing him if you tell him something that he’s doing that you want changed.
Like not proposing.
Now here’s the oddity: if you want to be close and live with this man, wouldn’t you think he’d be the ONE person you’d want to have the BEST communication with?
Your answer is probably “yes.”
However in the heat of the moment, you freeze. You don’t say what you want to say.
Now I’m all for having the best way to talk—non blaming, non-attacking.
But I’ve found even with the best script, women need coaching to actually get the guts to say it.
Watch this video on communicating with your man by clicking here.
In the video you can learn ways to communicate with your man and how to improve communication with him that even when you brought something up, he’s still feeling valued.
Again, communication in a relationship is a primary element of a solid and honest relationship.
What is good communication for you if you don’t know how to communicate with men or specifically with your partner?
Let’s focus on the way to improve your communication when you want to talk to your boyfriend.
It’s all about being truthful to him and letting him know what’s in your heart.
I’ve thought about why you might get so scared to say your truth.
I believe it comes down to when you were a child, like most families, they used a lot of control to get the children to cooperate so oftentimes you may not have been able to express your feelings and when you did, you probably got yelled at or punished.
You: “I don’t want to wear my tennis shoes, I want to wear my sandals today.”
Parent: “It’s too cold. Don’t sass me. I don’t have time. You’re wearing your sandals.”
You: Crying… “I just want to wear my sandals!!”
Parent: “That’s it, when you get home from school, no TV and you’re grounded!” And then the parent becomes cold, distant.
I could give one hundred scenarios just like this, but your takeaway at a young age was:
I’m not entitled to what I want or what I feel or what I want to do and if I express it, and I anger this other person, I will get punished.
So as an adult, that was conditioned into your mind.
If you state what is right for you, and the other person doesn’t like it, they will get mad and you’ll be punished.
Now you know a man isn’t going to punish you with grounding you, but he may become distant and go away or pout for days.
So you were conditioned to stay silent or let it build up to an explosion.
I want you to choose to authentically stand and go against the tides of your conditioning from childhood and calmly and lovingly (for you) state your feelings and let the man (the one who needs to know your heartfelt musings) know the truth and thereby improve your communication skills for intimacy.
The ways to improve communication is by finding little risks of stating your truth to your boyfriend or partner.
If he’s a good guy, that will endear him to you.
If he’s a cad (not really into you) he was leaving anyway. It is always just a matter of time.
Either way, it’s GREAT practice for you to start stating how to speak to him.
Going back to childhood, it would have been great to have said, “I appreciate that you are trying to protect me from the cold. However I feel strongly about wearing my sandals and if I end up with cold feet, I will have learned a lesson. Thank you for caring.”
Think about all of this.
If you need help scripting, I’m available in coaching sessions to help you with that.
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